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the bashers try to bring up your participation in MR

Some lunatic in another forum brought up my participation here in which I was critical of feminism. The truth is that feminists have done plenty of unethical things that have earned that criticism. But some people in other forums think that feminism is exempt from any criticism somehow.

I was posting in a forum about a TV show. A post there about feminism or men’s rights would be off topic. But they made the post quoting me here as an attempt to discredit me elsewhere. The MR-bashers are out to use any underhanded tactic to discredit men’s rights, including repeating the lie that it’s about misogyny. I’ve rarely seen any MR person do anything misogynistic. I’ve seen MR people try to reduce men’s suicide. I’ve seen MR people try to be good fathers. I’ve seen MR men try to get better family court laws passed. None of that has anything to do with hating on women.

And it’s pretty lame to bring up discussions from other subs as a weapon.

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What can I do?

I’m writing this today because I feel like everything is worthless. I am based in the UK, and I graduated university with a first, and I have a great portfolio, yet I cannot get anywhere in my chosen field. Meanwhile there are programs for other demographics which accelerates them forwards. Countless times I have seen Women from my uni on linkedin who have gotten the roles that I wanted, despite them not doing as well as I did? I worked with some of these people, and they were duller than dishwater. Is it all futile? For example, one of the main ways to get into the industry is through ‘screenskills’ trainee scheme. They boldly claim that 71% of their selected candidates were Women. Do they not know that there’s a 50/50 split?

I also had a tutor in university who told me that despite how well I did at that module, it will be very hard for me to get a job doing what I wanted, based solely on the colour of my skin, and the gender I was born with. Meanwhile I see constant streams of ‘patriarchy’, ‘men are shit’ etc. It’s no wonder that our gender has the highest suicide rate, because there are no avenues for young males anymore. Every company wants their inclusivity, but does real inclusivity mean that the entry jobs are filled with other demographics? I don’t think so. I believe inclusivity should go throughout the chain. All I want to do is get an entry role, after training for years.

Just a rant. The industry is media / tv.

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Proposal: all men after the age of 18 should carry a pocket recording device and record their goings on to prevent/strike back against False Accusers

I had a moment of insight that I wanted to run by the community:

As extreme a solution it may seem, what if all men ages 18+ carried pocket recorders and always recorded their goings on each day – even if innocuous. In the event a false accusation is ever made, they can provide the date and time recorded in full to prove their innocence.

Then they strike back hard with civil suits to punish false accusers.

It seems extreme on it’s surface, but it might be a useful temporary measure to evoke long-term change. Think of how far technology has come – you have recording devices no larger than a thumb drive that contain enough battery for 18 hours continuous use. You can buy 2 and even 4TB hard drives for long-term storage for only a few hundred bucks. It’s sad that we’re at this point, but if we reached critical mass early and enough false accusers were faced with real legal consequences once it was determined their accusations were illegitimate – do you think enough women would be “scared straight?”

As a personal illustration- during my divorce, my ex-wife falsely accused me of DV to have me ejected from the house. Common move, was a chump thing to do. No legal consequences. Was later dropped when she received assurances she’d get the house. During my first exchange with our kids, her mother made disparaging remarks about me in front of the kids and then attempted to have her daughter’s lawyer press charges for me supposedly having harassed her during the exchange. Little did she know – I had a recording device in my pocket during the entire thing. Provided that audio – boom, charges disappeared and I wasn’t falsely accused of anything during the rest of the divorce. 2 years later, I wear a bodycam at every exchange and interaction with her, and I’ve not had any problems like that happen again.

What are your thoughts?

UPDATE: Wow, was not expecting the quality of conversation that followed my initial posting. Thank you all. Here’s an updated idea: for those living alone: thoughts on security cameras in/outside the house? This is a personal-security issue after all, and at the very least provides a peace of mind reg. enthusiastic consent (if the cameras see y’all leaving together for the bedroom, or her leaving the house without issue – harder to make the case for assault, right?

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Dissolving swim trunks

Does anyone find it appalling that things like these are sold on Amazon and videos are posted of them all over TikTok? If it were women’s swim clothes it would definitely be considered sexual harassment

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Why her history matters

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> Factors found to facilitate infidelity

>> Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity

> As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love are also reliably related to infidelity

Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. . Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. />
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> A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners

Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. . Sex, Lies, and Strategic Interference: The Psychology of Deception Between the Sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31 , 3–23. />
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> Men apparently assess and evaluate levels of sexual activity by a woman prior to long-term commitment—behavior that would have been observable or known through social reputation in the small-group lifestyles of our ancestors. Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, and having a large number of sex partners prior to marriage is a statistical predictor of infidelity after marriage

Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. . Mate Preferences and Their Behavioral Manifestations. In Annual Review of Psychology . Annual Reviews. />
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> it would appear that the premaritally experienced females were more inclined to accept coitus with males other than their husbands after marriage.

Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B., Martin, C. E., & Gebhard, P. H. . Sexual behavior in the human female. Saunders. />
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> the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner

Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. . Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21 , 147–154. />
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> Generally speaking, respondents who report extensive premarital sexual experience report extensive extramarital activity. Measures of the locus of first intercourse and number of premarital partners show positive associations with rating one’s marriage as less happy than average, the number of different extramarital partners, and the intention to participate in mate-swapping activities

Athanasiou, R., & Sarkin, R. . Premarital sexual behavior and postmarital adjustment. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 3 , 207–225. />
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> promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity as it did for males .

Hughes, S. M., & Gallup, G. G., Jr. . Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24 , 173–178. 00149-6

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> Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity , as well with sexual infidelity and emotional infidelity

Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. . The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4 , 385–398. />
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> Each additional sex partner between age 18 and the first union increased the net odds of infidelity by 1%

Treas, J., & Giesen, D. . Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62 , 48–60. />
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> A preliminary ANOVA analysis revealed that individuals reporting a past history of infidelity tended to have a greater number of past sexual partners than those without a history of infidelity , F = 52.16, p < .001, d = .81.

Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. . Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22 , 339–360. />
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> Subjects reporting sex with men other than their husbands while they were married were significantly younger at first intercourse

Essock-Vitale, S. M., & McGuire, M. T. . Women’s lives viewed from an evolutionary perspective: I. Sexual histories, reproductive success, and demographic characteristics of a random sample of American women. Ethology & Sociobiology, 6 , 137–154. 90027-5

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> A central purpose of this research was to identify correlates of betrayal. In addition to attitudes toward betrayal, a number of other factors were found to be associated with acts of betrayal. As predicted, such factors as sexual permissiveness, an avoidant romantic style, number of romantic relationships, and early onset of sexual intercourse were all correlated with a higher incidence of betrayal behaviors. These factors are likely to promote sexual activity with a larger number of partners, which, in turn, increases the chance that betrayal will occur.

Feldman, S. S., & Cauffman, E. . Your cheatin’ heart: Attitudes, behaviors, and correlates of sexual betrayal in late adolescents. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 9 , 227–252. />
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> Multivariate model fitting to infidelity and number of sexual partners confirmed that a Cholesky model containing parameters for additive genetic factors and the unique environment, but without shared environmental factors, provided the best explanation of the observed correlation between the two variables. The resulting genetic correlation between the two traits was .47, so nearly half the genes impacting on infidelity also affect number of sexual partners.

Cherkas, L., Oelsner, E., Mak, Y., Valdes, A., & Spector, T. . Genetic Influences on Female Infidelity and Number of Sexual Partners in Humans: A Linkage and Association Study of the Role of the Vasopressin Receptor Gene . Twin Research, 7 , 649-658. />
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> The residents of Promiscuous America are predictable in many ways. They’re less likely to be married and more likely to be divorced. They’re several times as likely as their less adventurous peers to have cheated on a spouse.

Wolfinger, N. H. . Promiscuous America: Smart, secular, and somewhat less happy. Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved December 13, 2021, from

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> As it relates to sexual history later in life, promiscuity is linked to a higher likelihood of cheating in long-term, serious relationships. Vrangalova thinks the reason may be that many promiscuous people aren’t really built for monogamy.

Kubota, T. . What the number of sexual partners says about you. Men’s Journal. Retrieved December 3, 2021, from

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> When compared with their peers who report fewer partners, those who self-report 20 or more in their lifetime are:

>> Three times as likely to have cheated while married

Regnerus, M. . Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy.

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> Contrary to the myth, partners who’ve had many partners have a harder, not easier, time remaining monogamous. They are significantly more at risk of straying than those with little or no prior sexual experience.

Staik, A. . 10 Predictors of Infidelity and Gender Differences: Why Do Partners Cheat?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 15, 2020, from

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> An indicator of whether or not the respondent has had previous sex partners is included and identifies the number of male sex partners the woman had previous to her relationship with her current primary partner… A history of numerous sex partners indicates a pattern or habit of sexual behavior that we expect will negatively influence sexual exclusivity in the current relationship.

> Having previous sexual partners greatly increased the likelihood that a woman
would have a secondary sex partner. In particular, a woman with 4 or more male sex partners prior to her primary relationship was about 8.5 times more likely to have a secondary sex partnerthan a woman with no previous sex partners… Having previous sex partners also increased the likelihood that dating and married women would have secondary sex partners. In particular, married women with 4 or more previous partners were 20 times more likely to have secondary sex partners than married women with no previous sex partners

Forste, R., & Tanfer, K. . Sexual Exclusivity among Dating, Cohabiting, and Married Women. In Journal of Marriage and the Family . JSTOR. https://doi.org/10.2307/353375

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Things college students accused of sexual assault should know.

I used to work in higher education and have read a great deal regarding how title ix cases are handled, so I thought I’d offer some insights. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice, simply some points to consider, should you or someone you know end up being accused:

1. Mandatory reporting: If you learn someone is spreading a rumor about you, you may be tempted to seek advice from a professor, coach, RA, etc. What you need to know is these people are probably mandatory reporters. By college policy, title ix and the Cleary Act, they are probably bound to report any instances of POTENTIAL sexual assault or harassment. They can’t keep your conversation confidential. Even if this person believes you, their mandatory reporting obligations could initiate the very investigation you wish to avoid.

2. Anything you say can be used against you: When you hear someone is spreading false rumors, the instinct is to publicly defend yourself, but this can work against you. For example, if you prove you weren’t around on the day in question, the accuser can simply change her story to something you can’t disprove. Nothing requires her to stick to her initial accusation so the more you reveal, the more you are giving them the opportunity to better accuse you. It can pay to keep such information to yourself. Similarly, anything you say may later be used against you. In most situations, it’s best to keep your mouth shut until officially defending yourself or until a lawyer has advised you otherwise.

3. Administers are not your friend: You will probably get asked to meet with some administrator who will notify you of charges against you. This person may act as if they are on your side. They may insinuate things will be easier on you if you explain what happened. Don’t believe it. Do not attempt to defend yourself at this time. . Try to read about how your college system works prior to this meeting and ask questions about the process. Ask about the charges against you. Use this as an opportunity to learn what you can. Do not give them the opportunity to extract information from you that may work against you later.

Once you are aware official charges are forthcoming, get a lawyer. You may also be entitled to a campus advocate. One problem is that by the time you have any representation you may have already hurt your cause. The one piece of advice I will offer is that until you consult a lawyer, keep your damn mouth shut. As they say: anything you say can and will be used against you.

There are many relevant points to be aware of from this point forward, but I thought I’d keep this post to the main mistakes I’ve seen accused college men make which can hurt their cause early on before they have representation

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TIL about an 1898 speech given by prominent feminist Rebecca L. Felton that justified the lynching of black men on the basis of false rape accusations

On August 11, 1898, Rebecca L. Felton, a feminist advocate and former slave owner, gave a speech to the Georgia Agricultural Society regarding the issues supposedly facing the wives of farmers. Out of all of these alleged issues, the one Felton pinpointed as the worst was “the black rapist”. She also attempted to divide men on the basis of race by challenging white husbands to lynch black men, as this was, according to Felton, the only way to protect their wives. The haunting final line of this speech reads:

“When there is not enough religion in the pulpit to organize a crusade against sin; nor justice in the court house to promptly punish crime; nor manhood enough in the nation to put a sheltering arm about innocence and virtue – if it needs lynching to protect woman’s dearest possession from the ravening human beasts – then I say lynch, a thousand times a week if necessary.”

Following this speech, prominent newspaper editor Alexander L. Manly, a biracial black man, attempted to rebuke Felton’s demonization of black men by publishing an editorial asserting that consensual relations between black men and white women were a reality. Many southern whites did not take this well, with white supremacist paramilitary organizations such as the Red Shirts spinning Manly’s words against his cause.

Months after this debacle, on November 10, 1898, the Wilmington insurrection took place. This massacre saw the murder of as many as 300 black civilians in Wilmington, North Carolina, the home of Alexander L. Manly’s newspaper, the *Wilmington Daily Record*. The office building of the *Record* was burned to the ground by a mob, and Manly was run out of town. The democratically-elected multiracial city council of Wilmington was removed and replaced with ex-Confederate sympathizers, in one of the worst post-Reconstruction racist incidents in American history.

In addition to its impact on the Wilmington insurrection, Felton’s racist and misandrist tirade against black men would contribute to the slew of lynchings in the United States during the lowest point of American race relations. Between 1883 and 1941, an estimated 4,467 people were lynched, 4,368 of whom were male and 3,265 of whom were black. Many of these lynchings, most famously that of 14-year-old black teenager Emmett Till, were motivated by false accusations of sexual advances upon white women by black men.

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BAM (Boys Advocacy and Mentoring)

Hi,

I just wanted to share this resource with anyone who is interested. It’s a curriculum to support boys. It combines fun games, education and exploration of masculinity, and provides opportunities to practice healthy vulnerability. If you work with kids this is something you can tuck away. I’ve run this group several times now, it works best with 5th or 6th graders. I usually advertise as a boys leadership group and I select boys who could benefit from finding more healthy friendships and who might benefit from devoping a sense of belonging at school with peers.

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Difference between r/MensLib and r/MensRights

I thought I’d talk about that sub because a lot of feminists like to recommend it for some reason.

r/MensLib claims that it is a space to talk about male issues through a feminist lense, but it seems like most of the posts are just talking about the issues faced by lgbt/minorities/poc. Which is great and all but then what’s the point of calling it r/menslib? Isn’t it just r/feminism 2.0? Idk I guess that’s my main gripe, they say it’s about discussing male issues but it all seems to comes back to how bad women/gay people/trans people have it in society and that cis men are privileged. Doesn’t really seem pro-male but ok.

It seems the main difference though is r/MensLib blames patriarchy and men for all their problems, and r/MensRights blames feminism and women for all their problems. Basically two sides of the same coin. Both subreddits have very black and white thinking. r/MensLib will deny that women/feminists have any part in upholding sexist gender roles or causing any male issues, while r/MensRights will deny that men have any part in causing THEIR issues. So both are very blinded by bias, and refuse to concede on anything even when the other side has a point.

Personally I’m a mixture of both, I think some men’s issues are caused by men, but there are definitely male problems that are caused/upheld by women/feminists. It’s not black or white. You’re free to disagree though that’s just my opinion.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

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Just because I’m not a feminist doesn’t mean I don’t support equal rights for both genders

For the last time feminists, you guys don’t have a monopoly on equality. You guys believe in things such as male privilege, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, rape culture, pay gaps, and a bunch of other bullshit that comes pre-packaged with your stupid movement. You don’t have to believe in these things to support equality. Also, speaking of equality, you guys say you support it, but 99% of feminists I’ve talked to don’t ACTUALLY support equality, because if you did you would be more vocal about things like how the draft is sexist or male circumcision. The only time you guys bring up male issues are to compare them to women’s issues or to say that it’s men’s fault they exist in the first place.

Another thing, just because the word feminism technically means believing in equality of the sexes and nothing else, that’s not how the word is used today, making the definition outdated and obsolete. So please stop bringing up the dictionary definition as if it proves your point. Definitions should represent how the word is used by the general population. There’s no use in attaching yourself to a label because “well technically it actually means this” when 99% of the people who use it don’t believe what you believe. It’s nonsensical and you’re just causing yourself unnecessary stress. And by advocating that MRAs adopt your label, you are basically saying you want more MRAs in your movement. And considering how much you guys hate us, that doesn’t really make much sense.